All I want for Christmas this year is to win a moneyline bet on an NFL game.
OK, wow, that was a tough loss Saturday, not your fault, who could’ve seen that coming? These things happen. But to blow a 33-0 lead, I mean, wow. Kind of a Christmas anti-miracle for me and the +160 on the Colts, eh?
Largest comeback in NFL HISTORY!
Who had the Vikes live money line +2500😊#Vikings #VikingsColts
— Dan Leach (@DanLeach971) December 17, 2022
No worries. Let’s run it back. All I want for Christmas is to win a moneyline bet at a good ol’ American sportsbook. Just like I asked for yesterday. Not trying to push the envelope here. Give me the Patriots +115.
OK, that was just stupid.
Patriots-Raiders ending with the proper music track overlaid.
— Kyle Boddy (@drivelinebases) December 19, 2022
Have I done something to you? Is this a Jewish thing? If it’s a Jewish thing, that’s fine, I understand. I realize by writing to you I’m crossing religious streams here, but you should know my wife isn’t … actually, it doesn’t matter. You’re Santa Claus. You grant Christmas wishes. I’d like you to grant me one. All I want for Christmas — again — is to win a freaking moneyline bet. But since you’ve screwed me twice, now I have to get creative to try and get square. You know what? The Giants and Commanders tied two weeks ago, I’m going to bet they tie again Sunday night. Odds are +800 for this game to go into overtime. Let’s do it!
What the actual f**k?
This won't help anyone feel better about that McLaurin penalty, but… https://t.co/T2oFvj8kXF
— Ben Standig (@BenStandig) December 19, 2022
I can’t even with this right now. You know what? You’re going to be asking for your two front teeth, because so help me, I’m going to pop you right in the mouth. Good day, sir.
OK, perhaps I got out over my skis with my last missive. Sorry for threatening bodily harm. All I want for Christmas is to win a +2281 parlay. See below.
Please, for the love of all that’s holy, let me have this.
P.S.: I’ll also take a PS5. Thanks.
The +1000 or more parlay of the week
All righty, I had a ridiculous seven-team parlay for a relatively paltry +1497 payout. Let’s see how we did, shall we?
We lost. Badly. The Panthers were the chief culprit, losing their game against the Steelers, but it’s just as well, because I had the Patriots over the Raiders, and if I lost the bet because of that nonsense, well, I don’t know if I would ever be able to recover.
Listen to Patriots radio call of the final play. Stay til the end. 😂🤣 pic.twitter.com/qmbQQEFVnp
— Andrew Fillipponi (@ThePoniExpress) December 19, 2022
All right. So we’re 0-15. Time is short. Need to get a big win. So here we go. DraftKings, take us home with the Browns giving 2.5 points to the Saints, the Chiefs giving 9.5 to the Seahawks, the Chargers giving 4 points to the Colts, the Steelers giving 2.5 points to the Raiders, and the Dolphins giving 4 to the Packers for a +2281 wager.
Rationale: The Dolphins’ pass game will feast at home in the Miami heat, the Browns (along with the weather) are going to take away the Saints gadget-y offense, the Chiefs need a statement game as they try to take the No. 1 seed, and the Chargers just have to show up for this game, right? And lastly, there is zero chance the Mike Tomlin-led Steelers are going to lose the game on the day Franco Harris was to have his number 32 retired. Seriously, there is no way the Steelers are losing.
#Steelers Hall of Fame Running Back Franco Harris has passed away at age 72, may he rest in peace.
Harris' football career is best remembered for the Immaculate Reception. It happened 50-years ago this week.pic.twitter.com/K5Zy7rPVT9
— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) December 21, 2022
The on-paper, no doubt, three-team teaser that’s bound to lose
Of course it lost, no sense in re-litigating the disaster. Down to an abysmal 3-12 this year. Let’s go back to Caesars Sportsbook. Give me the Steelers getting 3.5 points, the Vikings getting 2.5 points at home against the Giants, and the Browns getting 3.5 points. What could go wrong?
This one is looking a little fishy to me
Record down to 5-9-1, as I loved the Patriots last week in a pick ‘em game against the Raiders, and … golly, I forget: What happened in that game?
This week’s fishy special? The Lions giving three points to the Panthers in Carolina. The Panthers want to run, but the Lions can stop the run. The Panthers don’t want to pass, but the Lions can’t stop the pass. That’s about that for analysis. If the Lions score first, I could see this game getting away from the Panthers in a jiffy.
Did I win the DraftKings Milly Maker?
I had one of the most abysmal weeks in my, or anyone’s, DFS history. I am so, so, so, so, so glad my terrible NFL betting and DFS year have been broadcast weekly in this space.
DraftKings play(s) of the week
It’s Derrick Henry, as everyone knows. He’s home in a must-win game against the Texans, whom he has laid waste to over the teams’ last four meetings.
Derrick Henry's last four games vs. the Texans:
– 10/30/22: 32 attempts, 219 rushing yards
– 01/03/21: 34 attempts, 250 rushing yards
– 10/18/20: 22 attempts, 212 rushing yards
– 12/29/19: 32 attempts, 211 rushing yards pic.twitter.com/G1DfsxrqHi
— Ben Heisler (@bennyheis) December 20, 2022
Seriously: He has rushed for over 200 yards four straight times against this team. Earl Campbell, Jim Brown, and Barry Sanders rushed for 200 yards four times each — in their careers. Henry is going to be fed early, often, and all day — especially with Ryan Tannehill out.
Henry costs $8.6K, and he’s the only “sure thing” on the running back slate. Christian McCaffrey is at $8.8K and has been playing awesome, but with the Niners having little to play for — maybe they get the two seed, otherwise the three seed — you have to think his workload gets lessened. Nick Chubb in the snow at $7.7K? Sure, but he’s got a foot injury. Dalvin Cook at home against the Giants? Sure, but he’s got nine games this year under 16 DK points. Yuck. The list goes on.
So to play Henry or not? In cash, obviously yes. And in tournaments, I mean, how do you fade him? If he goes for 200/2 and you don’t have him, you’re in big trouble. You don’t play him, you’re hoping for a 150/1 game out of him where you can make up ground elsewhere.
Good luck figuring this one out.
My mortal lock five star only for my best customers can’t lose guaranteed best bet of the week
I had the Patriots last week. That worked out well.
All right. Steelers giving the 2.5 points. Come on. Has to be, right?