I desperately want to be in the Joc Pederson/Tommy Pham fantasy football league. I donβt care if Mike Trout is the worst sports commissioner since Larry OβBrien. I donβt care if thereβs an ever-present threat of violence. I donβt care that the buy-in is reportedly $10,000.
I want in.
You know why? Because I want to play fantasy football with anyone who is so fired up about fantasy football that, to them, itβs worth slapping a league-mate across his face β some six months later! β over a beef concerning injured reserve rules.
BREAKING: 96.3/92.5 The Big Jab has obtained exclusive rights to a never before seen video of Tommy Pham slapping Joc Pederson (via Chad McCormackβs sources) #JocPederson #Pham #tommypham #Joc @MorningJab @MannixBrothers @ThePMJab pic.twitter.com/0oXBwDDRdH
— Chad McCormack (@mccormack_chad) May 28, 2022
That, to me, is a mark of an awesome league. Itβs people who take the game and their sports gambling seriously. And itβs the only type of league I ever want to be in.
Iβve been in countless fantasy football leagues over the years, and Iβve dropped out of every one of them except my main home league, which has been cooking since 1986, and no, thatβs not a typo. Freshman year, Parsippany High School, thatβs when we started. There were six of us, expanded to eight the next year, 12 the year after that, and weβve been rolling ever since. Every single person in the league takes it seriously. There is never anyone who doesnβt set a lineup or put in their waiver moves. We are all serious. Serious as β dare I say β a slap across the face.
I’m a quitter
Other leagues Iβve been in? Well, come on, you know the drill: If thereβs one person who doesnβt care, the whole league suffers. I cannot β will not β abide that. Hence, Iβve quit. Many times.Β
At this point in my fantasy career, I donβt want to join another league (except, of course, the Trout-led one). My league is perfect. We are serious men, and while weβve never resorted to violence, I will admit Iβve been tempted over the years, especially in the early going, when rules were being made up on the fly.
Joc Pederson said Tommy Pham slapped him over a fantasy football rule.
"There was no real argument. He came up and said, 'you remember from last year?' I was like, 'fantasy football? He was like, 'yeah.' Then, yeah." https://t.co/345FsLRwcn
— Bobby Nightengale (@nightengalejr) May 28, 2022
But those rules today? Hoo boy. They are all spelled out in our βconstitution,β which consists of 2,455 words. To compare: The actual constitution β you know the one, βWe the people,β etc. β consists of 4,440 words.
So yes, the document that breaks down exactly how the United States government will operate is not even twice as long as the document that breaks down exactly how the Parsippany Fantasy Football League will operate.
Now that I think about it, I would pay Joc Pederson to read our rules aloud. Guyβs got ace delivery.
Joc shares details of what happened in his fantasy football league that started his altercation with Tommy Pham today pic.twitter.com/d9NBTwPVoG
— SF Giants on NBCS (@NBCSGiants) May 28, 2022
IR rules
And as for the rules regarding who can and cannot be placed on injured reserve, which was the cause of the outfield slap between Pham and Pederson? That alone is 264 words in our constitution, including such lawyer-speak as βHowever, all IR moves will be assumed to be effective starting the current week unless the owner notifies the commissioner that the IR move is retroactive to the previous week.β (Oh, and by the way: We limit the IR to two players, except if theyβre put on IR due to COVID.) (Yes, we added COVID rules at our summer meeting two years ago. Those come in at 327 words.) (Yes, we have an annual summer meeting for any and all proposed rules changes.)Β
Bottom line: Itβs a serious league. We have a trophy and everything. It gets engraved each year. Itβs the best league ever.
Anyway, the biggest baseball story of the year involves two mid-level players coming to blows over fantasy football, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about the popularity of the two forms of entertainment.
And while plenty of pundits have been wringing their hands over the violence, I am here to applaud it in theory, if not in practice. Sure, Pham should never have slapped Pederson, but to care that much about fantasy football? I get it.
So does anyone have Troutβs email? I want to see about an invite. Iβm guessing Pham dropped out, right?